God Will Make A Way

I stumbled out of bed into the bathroom, leaned against a cold surface, and slowly slid onto the floor muffling sounds I didn't recognize.  It was wrong to mourn the birth of my child, but I did.

Ella and Victoria

 My husband was quiet, but when I needed comforting, he would sing. We sang our way through the first month of intensive care.  God Will Make A Way became our song. The lyrics soothed me, and I was whole. It was here that I leaned into the beauty and power of words.

 I was not allowed to hold her because of extreme issues, but one morning the nurses mentioned that her body temperature was unusually low and they would have to administer another dosage of antibiotics. It was at that point, that I stopped mourning and began fighting for the life of my child. I demanded that they give me my baby. "I'm her mother; she needs my touch." I pleaded. I waited.

One of the nurses checked vital signs and changed her diaper. She then told me to unbutton my blouse. As the nurse lifted my baby and placed her unto my chest, God gave me my child's name: Gabriella - The Lord is Mighty. We slept together for a good long time because when I woke my entire body ached and the sun was rising.

I kissed Gabriella good morning and called for a nurse. Vital signs were taken and her temperature had risen to 100 degrees. "She's looking good. Do you want to feed her?" asked the nurse. "Yes, I would love to." I said. Gabriella slowly strengthened and tubes were removed and I was able to breastfeed.

Two weeks later we received confirmation that Gabriella had Down syndrome. Yes, there are hard days. Days when therapists hand me reports that tell me she's severely delayed in certain areas, when people ignorantly state that my daughter is a birth defect, and that God must be punishing me with a disabled child.

But, there are good days too. Days when she makes me laugh, prays for my boo-boos, and in church will lift her hands in praise without shame. It's like she knows something grand about God that we can't comprehend unless we become like little babes.

 All good and perfect gifts come down from the Father of Lights. She is my reward. There is no punishment in reward. Children are blessings who have a divine purpose in this world.  And, it is my goal and desire to make sure they fulfill it.

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Jasmine has been married for 17 years and is a homeschooling mom to a quiver-full of children. She has a passion to help women reach a biblical view on womanhood. Between teaching and homemaking, she is also an advocate for families of children with special needs. You can find Jasmine sharing her thoughts at Far Above Rubies.